Why Did I Stay in an Abusive Relationship??

Let me first point out that my unhealthy relationship happened 20 years ago. I doubt that anybody would even know of the person I am speaking of.

That said, I am opening up about my painful relationship because of a post I saw on Facebook:

 

"On of the things that's so disheartening to me about the whole Ray Rice thing is all the victim blaming. I hope this opens some eyes ..".

 

19 #WhyIStayed Tweets That Everyone Needs to See

"Following Ray Rice's suspension from the NFL, women are sharing their stories of domestic violence"

Everybody is always so quick to state that "I would leave immediately!" Well people, that is easier said than done. If you read through some of the tweets in the Facebook post you will see examples of why it is so hard to leave.

1."They said that they would change"

2. "I was embarrassed"

3. "They physically blocked my way"

4."You think that you know but you have no idea"

I stayed for two years. I am not some small, easily overpowered, easily intimidated woman. I was given a black eye, sprained my shoulder, sprained my jaw, and countless other bruises that no one could see. I stayed for two years. I was called an idiot, told that my friends thought I was stupid, told that everybody laughed at me behind my back. I stayed for two years. Looking back on it now, even I can't believe I didn't leave earlier. It is just SO hard while you are in "it". I owned a house with this person. Where would I live? I couldn't go home to my parents, how humiliating would that have been. Where could I go with my dogs?? I cannot even imagine the horror of trying to figure out where to turn with children involved.

Obviously, I finally figured it out and I survived. My life has gone on and it is wonderful. My point is, don't judge, Don't assume that you would (or could) do anything differently.It is a nightmare that is hard to get out of.  Better to be a good friend, an advocate, a shoulder to cry on, or a place for them to go. Be helpful not critical.

 

I'll leave you with this final quote:

"It is never as simple as walking out of the door," said Gooden. "There are so many layers to domestic violence. And not just financial, although those are valid. But we are talking about human hearts. It's not easy to leave someone you love. It's not easy to leave when you have no resources and nowhere to go. It's not easy to leave when you are threatened with additional violence. It's not easy to leave when you remember how it used to be, or when they romance you during the good times, or when they promise it is the last time. Or when there are children involved. Because you believe in love and you believe in them."

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